he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
