Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
