SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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