i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
