i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
