are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
