I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
