His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
