My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
