she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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