so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
