I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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