i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
