I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
