**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
