I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
