didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
