As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
