sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
