it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
