whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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