Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
not ubering you a puppy
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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