im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
