New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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