based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
