Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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