i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
