3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
