I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
don't judge my taste in strippers
Brb crying the tears of my youth
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
