i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
