No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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