somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
