Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
