All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I am available for nakedness
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
