Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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