sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
