I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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