First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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