Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
