I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
