The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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