i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
