Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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