I CAN MOONWALK!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
