i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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