Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
