Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
