you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize