I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
