They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
