Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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