So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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