I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
