My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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