Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
