What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
