weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
