I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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