I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
