It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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