help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
