I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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