I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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