She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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