my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
