I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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