i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
