does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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