you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
