At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
