I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize