when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
