I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
